Day # 30!!!
Today is the last day of my first juice fast. I'm relieved and yet saddened in a way. It's been easier than "dieting" that's for sure. No struggles to try and decide what to have, what not to have...no demons prodding me with french fries, wiggling pizza under my nose...nope...no choices to make and not too much hunger. So much less back and leg pain, better sleep...or realistically some sleep which is better than almost none, which is what I had before the juice fast. I started this fast at 282 lbs and finished it at 253...a decent start in 30 days!!! In all I am down 87 lbs from my all time high of 340. I shudder to say that number out loud. There is so much shame associated with being fat. Ridicule by society and that which we inflict on ourselves.
Inside....I am something else entirely... goddess...poet, lover...beautiful spirit...one with nature...strong of limb and fleet of foot...oh yeah...an amazing thing to believe that one day soon the two will jive...inner self and flesh combines to make the whole woman...not torn apart and left unsatisfied in many ways....and by my own hand no less.
Now I will be back to having the burden of choice thrust upon me again and the weight of responsibility, and the ultimate results for those decisions. Not an easy thing. I know I can't go back to the sporadic raw/crap see-saw I have been on for the last five years...it just doesn't work, doesn't serve me well in any way except to leave me feeling out of control and no further along toward my healthiest self. I need a real plan....
So.....this is it...
For the next week as I break the fast....fruit and juice...(6 days or so depending on how I feel)
Fruit/smoothies/almond milk/steamed veggies/less juice for the next week till I go to NY
Starting October 1st I will be fasting for the first 7-10 days of each month till I am at my ideal weight.
I'm not even sure what that is anymore. I was between 134-138 when I was in high school on the gymnastics team...grade 12....so three children later, thirty-six years and an additional 200 lbs at my highest weight later I have no clue what is reasonable...guess I'll just have to see how it goes as I get closer. I am going to plan "cheats" too...which really won't be cheats since they are accounted for...(at least that is my current rationalization)...once a week..not one day a week...but one meal where I can have something "else", something outside the parameters of a predominantly plant based diet....like broiled salmon, etc...
My first weight goal is to get under 200...which as of today is 54 more lbs. I feel so much better already with all I've gained and what I've lost over these 30 days....at least now I feel like I have the tools to make progress...so...
...on we go~
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